Broken Wings

Well, it’s been more than two weeks since my last post….not anything particularly exciting going on, just trying to manage day-to-day life.  I am in the process of trying to replace myself at work so that I can take some time off to focus on getting healthy and dealing with the fertility issues.  On the surface, everyone seems to support this, but in practice, I don’t yet have a last-day-of-work date.  I have however, told Boss Dad that there are no guarantees for my presence at work after Monday, since that is the day when I see the endometriosis surgeon.  If all goes as expected, I will be scheduled for another (hopefully more effective) lap in the near future.

Dealing with other people’s BFPs….it seems lately that a lot of bloggers are having BFPs.  Don’t worry, this isn’t a guilty admission of jealousy (yet).  I need other women experiencing infertility to have BFPs because it gives me hope.  It gives me hope that it will be my turn soon, that things do work out, and that infertility is an stop on my journey, not my permanent residence. And so, when someone whose blog I read does not get that BFP that we are all looking for, it breaks my heart.  I think I might actually be taking other people’s BFNs harder than my own these days, as I don’t actually expect to get pregnant at this point without some type of ART.  Granted, it is now CD 47 and I was a little sad after I randomly decided to POAS this morning, but my reaction was nothing compared to the total meltdown I had on Monday when I read a fellow infertile’s post about her BFN.

The BFPs of women who have not experienced infertility are another matter altogether and do, in fact, produce the predictable reactions of jealousy and self-pity. Which is why I am avoiding returning the three phone calls in the last two days from one of my best friends.

So, thanks to Mr. Mister for today’s title and here’s hoping that the chorus can give us all a little inspiration.

Take these broken wings
And learn to fly again
And learn to live so free
And when we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up
And let us in