Possibly Pregnant Enough

After Tuesday’s drama at the RE’s office, I spent the rest of the day in bed, occassionally sitting up long enough to turn my laptop on and google “nondoubling beta.” I also googled “5 weeks no gestational sac ultrasound” as nothing was seen on Tuesday’s ultrasound. I posted on message boards, looking for success stories in situations similar to mine. And I prayed. Not so much prayed, I guess, as begged.

By the end of the day yesterday, I had decided that there was at least a possibility, even if it was a small one, that things might work out and that my RE was being overly cautious.  I had a little bit of hope, but had also started to reconcile myself with the fact that things might not work out.

This morning’s beta rose to 708.

This means my doubling time has decreased, as the beta almost doubled in less than 48 hours. The RE (whose new name is Dr. Eeyore, for his less-than-optimistic outlook) was quick to remind me that even though my beta went up, I am still several days behind where he would like me to be and that even though I did IVF, there is still a small chance that it could be an ectopic pregnancy.

But for now, I am pregnant. I am trying to be positive and optimistic, and to not be a complete nervous wreck.  B/W and U/S will be repeated on Monday.

The past ten days or so have been a completely new area of infertility that I had never experienced and did not anticipate. I guess I hadn’t gotten over the idea that you are either pregnant or you’re not – the shades of gray, the uncertainty, and the cautious hope are just one more way in which infertility has taught me some hard truths. Thank you all for your support – knowing that there are other women out there going through the same things makes this turbulent journey a little more bearable.

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9 Responses to “Possibly Pregnant Enough”

  1. lori Says:

    you would think it would be more than enough to deal with ART, but even when you get that BFP, the roller coaster ride still hasn’t slowed down. i’m ECSTATIC about your good beta news. i like your nickname for your doc. and, i’ll be thinking of you and sending you lots of positive vibes on monday.

    -lori

  2. sharah Says:

    Anecdote: one of my friends got a BFP at something like 11dpo, went to the doc, got told it was a chemical. That “chemical” is now a beautiful toddler. The earlier it is, the less reliable the indicators are. You could have implanted late, and now the little one is starting to catch up to where it should be.

    You can’t control the future; no one can. So right now you ARE pregnant — enjoy it as much as you can and PUT DOWN THE GOOGLE. Step away … 🙂 Here’s hoping that Monday brings you the best news!

  3. sarasp Says:

    I am so sorry you now know the meaning of “a little pregnant.”

    There is still hope. I wish you the best. I can’t remember which blogger it was, but I remember reading about nondoubling beta leading to a healthy pregnancy. I hope you get to blog about that, too.

  4. chicklet Says:

    I hope Shara’s right and it’s just too early to tell stuff reliably. Hang in there, I’m thinking good thoughts for you.

  5. Farah Says:

    thinking of you – found you from Lost and Found – just coming to send you well wishes

  6. elizabeth Says:

    What a roller coaster ride!!! How agonizing to be in such suspense, getting such ambiguous numbers. Hope everything is resolved POSITIVELY soon.

  7. singletracey Says:

    Just thinking of you and praying you get the blessing you so deserve. I hate the gray areas of pregnancy and IF!

  8. Bea Says:

    Nothing will tell except time. I wish I could peer into the future and let you know. It would be so much easier if you just knew what to prepare yourself for. Hopefully, the news will end up being good.

    Bea

  9. SL Says:

    I hope you’re doing all right. I hope the news is good.

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